Getting up, going against the white waters.
Getting food, going against the waterfall.
Going against life..
But I can’t go with the flow.. I’ll be washed into the homeless lands
My flow is different than yours.
If I let go, I won’t get up to eat.
If I stop trying, I’ll lay in bed all day forgetting I have a stomach to feed.
But if I keep trying, fighting to live, I suffer.
I don’t even fight to live anymore.
That part of me doesn’t exist/ doesn’t care.
I stopped trying.
I float in this world like a …?
Why should I get a job? Couldn’t I just lay here until I parish in my room? I’m not even worried… I can’t even feel it.
How many times I get a job only to be released a year or less later?
I can’t even do my job right. I lose motivation so quickly because everything’s so corrupted; who in their right minds would stay and kiss up?
What’s the point?
I’m not getting anywhere.
Might as well work a part-time job somewhere in some store.
Do I even want to?
Who cares if I was in sales?
How can an unmotivated person be in sales? I can’t anymore.
All those years of sales experience goes down the drain.
What’s my meaning of life? So far trying to survive. How can that be a purpose for me? Who cares..?
Too many questions, never an answer…
You’re not here.
Stop making me go through this shit. It’s making me want to kill myself.