La Habra

I attended my 4th day of tax school on Thursday.

Everywhere there are clues that people are tired of the 8-5 or 9-6 boxed schedule and yesterday confirmed it.

We were talking about how we were being taxed if we earned income from YouTube and everyone in the class voiced how much they are tired of being slaves to the current work system, including the teacher.

I’m going to find the way out of this jail set-up we’ve all been so used to.

They say when man becomes so used to danger he has lost his way and gives up obtaining freedom in exchange for false safety; a jail system he falls in love with. A cage he molds into and atrophied through time. It’s happened on a worldwide scale.

But I’m one of those that won’t accept this control..

Internal Blades: Path to Sovereignty 

Closer and closer

I felt the sharp ends of the knives coming out of my stomach.

It started gradually when I began to become irritated by how my sister acts.

She is the kind of person that doesn’t answer in words and only uses growls, moans, or other primal sounds to reply, if any at all. Or she wouldn’t even reply and lets my questions hang until I repeatedly ask her to squeeze a reply from her, which gets tiring.

She also has this passive-aggressive thing where she always thinks she’s right and if I say anything that might conflict with her pre-conceived knowledge. She will argue with you and insist she isn’t arguing.

I noticed I started to forcefully demand her to change how she is because how she is, was irritating me.

I would demand a reply from her, and if she didn’t respond, I would get angry at her and give her an attitude.

I would tell her to learn her vocabulary because all her responses were just primitive sound tones and she needed to evolve.

But I realized she wasn’t the problem.

It was me.

The knives were getting larger and sharper in my stomach and they were starting to hurt me.

I experienced this before where I became so bothered with how the other person acted that I became so aggressive about it.

It might be because I’m so sensitive to how the other person is.

That’s my problem. But I can’t be numb either…

I just care too much.

I need to stop caring about other people and let go.

They are who they are, and I am who I am.

If I am to live where other people stop trying to control who I am, I must stop trying to control who they are too; it must start with me first..

I let myself become too dependent on others for my happiness.

I remembered again.. To live in sovereignty .

Unchangeable

Visions of my ancestors have tried to pull be back.

They try to talk to me into living their methods.. the ones that are bringing their extinction.

They live close together colored in poverty and sludge.

They have no ears for renovation or evolution.. and no desire to be helped.

Only knowing of parasitic strategies, aggression, and control.

Like a long stick with an over-sized head; they brood over their righteousness..

They spiral slowly into the black hole, arguing.. and arguing…. yet no one is listening.

(c) Jennifer Lee, The Voice Of The Wounded Soul
*You may share as long as all proper credit is given to the creator, thank you.

I Let Go

Lately as I have been focusing on expressing myself even more verbally, I started seeing the deeper motives of others.

I started to become bitter, seeing the dark sides of people.

I then went into a container of thoughts that people should be more loving towards others. I then devised plans on how I could convince them to be a better person.
I had expected them to be gentle and nice to me.. Just because that was the right thing a moral person should do; and that they should be ethical.

In my mind of this perfect world where everyone followed all the rules of MY expectations, I had forgotten that this was where Control thrives.

This is where aggressive behaviour and victims breed. This was where the whole concept of Rank, authority over others and trying to have other people approve of you , is created.

This was not the world I intended to create… And through seeing what my own mind can manifest from cancerous thoughts, the cure was to do the opposite: let go.

No matter how many times I have arrived to this conclusion, and left it, I can only practice this as many times like a religion, to get it down to automatic action. Sometimes remembering this does not solve anything. Yet in choosing every moment of my life where the moment this situation occurs is the opportunity to go ahead and let go.. Let go of wanting people to be differently than who they are.

Because in truth, we are letting go of how WE want to ourselves to be.. Which is the freedom to accept others as who they are.. One of the best gifts you can give to anyone you know.

(c) Jennifer Lee, The Voice Of The Wounded Soul
*You may share this creation as long as all proper credit is given.

What Am I Trying To Control.. OF Myself?

Why am I doing this?
What am I trying to control OF myself?

Freedom.

Oh this crisp shell;
..For protection!?!?
No, it has only been served as…

Control.

What has it that not a sound be heard through these mutable walls?
…but yet the sound, at the same time, which disintegrates this field?

Oh, don’t Shame the raw cries of your beautiful being..
(your attractive vulnerability..)

Longing to be heard by the  darkness that surrounds thee…
(…surrounds thy false light..)

You cannot be a flame with a white container of conditioned light…
(your crisp white shell…)

Darkness longs for thee.

(c) Jennifer Lee, The Voice Of The Wounded Soul
*You may share as long as all proper credit is given to the creator.