I began re-reading a book I hadn’t touched in half a year.
It’s called Your Soul’s Gift.
In one of the paragraphs it said:
You have attracted both positive and negative models of male energy in your life.
This invoked a deep contemplation in the type of men and women I’ve been attracting into MY life.
I knew that I attracted what I believed in, but this is different. This is something from the SOUL level.
No matter what I cleared on myself, this issue seemed to be EVERYWHERE and resistant to being healed.
I saw that clearing this issue from the individual incarnations still doesn’t go to the SOURCE of it; which stems from the soul.
I then took a deep hard look at the closest female figures in my life.
I simply didn’t trust women.
Something in me, would avoid women.
For one, my mom left a terrible impression and representation of a woman figure.
Here is the history.
She divorced my father when I was very young and held onto the grudge that he owed her money and child support.
So she took it out on ME and LIMITED what she would normally give, as a PARENT to a young child.
Amidst this entanglement, my father was not able to work because he developed CANCER.
But, that reason was not good enough for her and she chose to hold onto the notion that HE OWES HER.
Over time, she saw me as my father…
And decided on her own, that I OWED HER.
When I turned 7, she married another man… FOR MONEY.
When I was 11, after we’ve moved into a new home, she began showing more prominently, subservient attitudes to my stepfather and held his words more important than her’s and my own.
As my younger half-sisters grew older, I watched as my mother gave up her VOICE in exchange for APPROVAL from them, so in turn my stepfather would approve HER, and GIVE HER MORE MONEY.
She would allow my half sisters’ authority over common sense, for fear of my stepfather.
I watched as my mother began worshipping my half sisters and stepfather.
I became the outcast of the family, the only one with a different last name in the household.
Eventually my mother wanted rent from me to live there, so I left.
After that, I’ve been noticing that I was attracting different types of women that were similar to my mother.
No matter how many energetic hearings I would do, it only had a minimal effect.
Until I realized this is something from the SOUL level.
Only a few years ago, did I start attracting higher frequency women into my life on a more regular basis.
I saw that what I required to do, is create new relationships with higher frequency women and release all the negative women appearing in my life, which is simply a reflection of the state of my inner feminine wholeness.
My resultant manifestations of the men and women in my life NOW, is from past choices and relations manifesting into my 3D life now.
And so it begins.