Reset Button

“Things always get worse before they get better.”

Last night I met with my friend whom I haven’t spoken in almost a year.

He reminded me the importance of meditation.

I realized I’d fallen into that codependent swirl down the drain again.

It clicked so hard.

I’d given myself away so much I was getting lost and depressed.

I was getting addicted to being with other people even if they pissed me off.

I’m glad I stopped myself before I dissipated into nothingness.

I was becoming the energy that I hated: neediness.

And now I’m totally at peace.. Cleaning myself up from that deadly Fibonacci  spiral.

Meditation… It works.

It’s my reset button.

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I quit my job

I left my job in what I consider, in a graceful manner,

as I made the choice with conscious intent, and not from emotional reasons, I had felt in the days after somehow “bad” about it.

It was this lingering sadness of leaving a system that didn’t feel right.

I noticed specific patterns playing out that led to this event.

Even though deep down I knew I had quit the job long before I actually told my manager.

I started to clean the desk weeks prior.

I guess you could say I was looking for a confirmation to make my move, or wait till I was absolutely sure. However it didn’t occur that way.

I was sure before I knew it.

These feelings of sadness; of a loss, of a missed opportunity to have done things better.

These feelings of fear of loss of direction.

I’m glad they came up.

For me to release them. I no longer desire to carry any of this.

I no longer desired to work in an environment that opposes teamwork, that opposes cooperation, that opposes speaking up, and opposes abundance.

I know now this choice is not something to be guilty or sad over. That was the transitional emotion; one that came up to release forever.

Even though my manager followed me to the break room, sat down and cried “you know how much I did for you!? I wrote you 2 personal letters.. And I never done that to anyone. No one.. Only you.”

I cried too. I cried not at her sacrifice, but at the manifestation of this pattern that has been imprisoning her to experience betrayals; and this time through my presence.

I cried upon seeing her perceived loss of me leaving. I felt this sadness, yet love for her that my soul whispers how much I love her and appreciate her, yet her being blinded upon imprints activating.

However, I let this go. This is not a sad choice I made.

Far away from what it appears.

I’m free. I’m finally free.