Moment of Fear

Again,

The feeling returned.

I felt unwanted.

Useless.

It was dumb of me to trigger it by trying to help the same guy that disrespects me and says I’m unworthy.

The help that triggered him to say,”what are you doing? I don’t want this shit, get out of here! Don’t touch my stuff, stop trying to make me have an accident.”

The same words that drop the weight onto my purpose of living.

I was trying to help, but always, they always think I’m trying to make them have an accident.

Why are people afraid of me?

Why don’t people trust me?

What have I ever done wrong to them?

They always think I’m the evil one and gather in their circles to push me away.

It almost makes me want to slaughter them just because they so strongly believe me to be evil…

It’s as if, because they keep believing I’m evil, that I want to become evil and show them how right they are for supporting such an ill vision of their fears.

I guess I can’t help being a living embodiment of people’s fears…

People hate fear

People hate me

Cause I am FEAR

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Ladder

Things not going my wayThings out of order

Always something gone wrong
Things causing disturbances and irritation

People that want to argue with you thinking they’re right
People that don’t listen to you and ask you what you said so you repeat yourself 3 times
People that say they need to bring all their baggage to the beach and make you carry all their stuff
People that can’t throw away their junk in the house and make you accommodate to their limited space
People that accuse you of doing something and insist they are accurate when you had nothing to do with it..
People that can’t and won’t control their dogs from overstepping personal boundaries…
Why is life so irritating??!
People that sit around in their office all day making money and not doing shit, yet have authority over people doing all the work and having a better lifestyle than them??
Corporations of real estate that overcharge housing prices so the middle-aged men can get extra profit , whilst the buyer had to pay a premium just to get a simple house???
Who invented this shit?

Who is benefitting this system??
They need to retire and go to hell.

The new generation is here

And we are not happy with your creations

Anvil-shaped Heart

Getting up, going against the white waters.

Getting food, going against the waterfall.

Going against life..

But I can’t go with the flow.. I’ll be washed into the homeless lands

My flow is different than yours.

If I let go, I won’t get up to eat.

If I stop trying, I’ll lay in bed all day forgetting I have a stomach to feed.

But if I keep trying, fighting to live, I suffer.

I don’t even fight to live anymore.

That part of me doesn’t exist/ doesn’t care.

I stopped trying.

I float in this world like a …?

Why should I get a job? Couldn’t I just lay here until I parish in my room? I’m not even worried… I can’t even feel it.

How many times I get a job only to be released a year or less later?

I can’t even do my job right. I lose motivation so quickly because everything’s so corrupted; who in their right minds would stay and kiss up?

What’s the point?

I’m not getting anywhere.

Might as well work a part-time job somewhere in some store.

Do I even want to?

Who cares if I was in sales?

How can an unmotivated person be in sales? I can’t anymore.

All those years of sales experience goes down the drain.

What’s my meaning of life? So far trying to survive. How can that be a purpose for me? Who cares..?

Too many questions, never an answer…

You’re not here.

Stop making me go through this shit. It’s making me want to kill myself.

Where Am I going?

“I have a problem that I can not explain…

I have no reason why it should have been so plain…

Have no questions but I sure have excuse..

I lack the reason why I should be so confused…”

(Repeat 999999 times in your head)

-System of A Down- roulette 

Order’s Riddle

All of these problems and the inner struggle… When will it be over???

One after another…

People forming their own covenants and punishing new members.

Why separate ?

Why demote the ones that you didn’t accept into your society? 

Am I supposed to FALL to advance in this world?

Cause it seems the ones keeping their corruption strong are the ones making money…

Soul GPS

I want to let my desires become expressed..Yet here comes the labeling again.
Between sky and land, there’s a hidden realm .
Accusations and categorizations of what people believe I am, or where I belong..
Yet when they keep refusing to see the 3rd land, they’re stuck in the right and wrong.
There can be no progress in runarounds of polarity until the Perspective is transcended to the ethereal.
I remember now, I am of the Order of the Heart, and whatever lies between Core and Blackhole does not change my inner essence… My inner map.

Ugly

There’s like a fist somewhere floating in the ethereal realm that crosses to the real world , each one clenching someone’s gut and threatening anyone that tries to speak of the ugly truth.

People are so afraid of speaking up and auto-police themselves.

“Run away”

 but it always chases you.

They’re so afraid of being different so they become like everyone else..

Following fake rules of social etiquettes where “You can’t say that” is their first amendment.

We are everywhere.

We are your reality.

In the end, it’s judgement. 

And once that’s gone, there’s only truth. 

Hideousness and beauty doesn’t even exist.

Rules

I thought about it and the ONE thing that I despise about this world is RULES.

Made-up rules that make up the system.

And this whole system is completely filled with nonsensical rules.

Rules that are like restrictions that chain me down and prevent me from my FREEDOM.

Some asshole randomly comes up with these rules to satisfy their CRAVINGS for CONTROL..

That’s how I feel about SCHOOLS aka herd-mentality training.

Someone decides to create a school system where YOU need to fall into their made-up aptitude categorization and submit your own worth to them; letting them determine how much you’re worth based on how much you’re filled with their knowledge.

“Oh that’s the company policy. That’s why you can’t.”

Just FOLLOW AND FIT INTO THEIR SYSTEM, DON’T ASK QUESTIONS, OTHERWISE YOU’RE A FAILURE.

You can’t design your own life anymore, you have to live the life someone else designed for you. And this one’s filled with 

WORK

WORK

WORK

POVERTY

WORK

DIE

I’m not being difficult, I simply have eyes that see…