May 5th… 8:39pm

Cinco de mayo…. stayed at home all day…
Slept most of the day
Feeling “shelled”
Like wanting to hide away from the world
Had these dreams based on the hopes of the past
But they’re still based on the past
Feeling stagnated
Where am I going
I must make a decision
Even if I move to the physical vicinity of my friends,

If my mind isn’t near them, it wouldn’t matter how close I was to them;
I’d be Unreachable
What is the motivation?
Not feeling wanted or worth anything
If I had a problem, I would never resort to ineffective solutions to solve it.
I’d go for the ultimate solution.
Weak substitutes are like an insult to human capabilities of success in a challenge
I would never try to use that as a replacement
And I would never dabble with knowing the solution yet being incapable of executing it…
That’s a sick torture
What is the point of these depressed phases I go through?
How can it end once and for all?
I have not gained any known benefit from this other than numb suffering 
Time is going like water nowadays
Help me make my next jump