Internal Blades: Path to Sovereignty 

Closer and closer

I felt the sharp ends of the knives coming out of my stomach.

It started gradually when I began to become irritated by how my sister acts.

She is the kind of person that doesn’t answer in words and only uses growls, moans, or other primal sounds to reply, if any at all. Or she wouldn’t even reply and lets my questions hang until I repeatedly ask her to squeeze a reply from her, which gets tiring.

She also has this passive-aggressive thing where she always thinks she’s right and if I say anything that might conflict with her pre-conceived knowledge. She will argue with you and insist she isn’t arguing.

I noticed I started to forcefully demand her to change how she is because how she is, was irritating me.

I would demand a reply from her, and if she didn’t respond, I would get angry at her and give her an attitude.

I would tell her to learn her vocabulary because all her responses were just primitive sound tones and she needed to evolve.

But I realized she wasn’t the problem.

It was me.

The knives were getting larger and sharper in my stomach and they were starting to hurt me.

I experienced this before where I became so bothered with how the other person acted that I became so aggressive about it.

It might be because I’m so sensitive to how the other person is.

That’s my problem. But I can’t be numb either…

I just care too much.

I need to stop caring about other people and let go.

They are who they are, and I am who I am.

If I am to live where other people stop trying to control who I am, I must stop trying to control who they are too; it must start with me first..

I let myself become too dependent on others for my happiness.

I remembered again.. To live in sovereignty .

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Ladder

Things not going my wayThings out of order

Always something gone wrong
Things causing disturbances and irritation

People that want to argue with you thinking they’re right
People that don’t listen to you and ask you what you said so you repeat yourself 3 times
People that say they need to bring all their baggage to the beach and make you carry all their stuff
People that can’t throw away their junk in the house and make you accommodate to their limited space
People that accuse you of doing something and insist they are accurate when you had nothing to do with it..
People that can’t and won’t control their dogs from overstepping personal boundaries…
Why is life so irritating??!
People that sit around in their office all day making money and not doing shit, yet have authority over people doing all the work and having a better lifestyle than them??
Corporations of real estate that overcharge housing prices so the middle-aged men can get extra profit , whilst the buyer had to pay a premium just to get a simple house???
Who invented this shit?

Who is benefitting this system??
They need to retire and go to hell.

The new generation is here

And we are not happy with your creations

Anvil-shaped Heart

Getting up, going against the white waters.

Getting food, going against the waterfall.

Going against life..

But I can’t go with the flow.. I’ll be washed into the homeless lands

My flow is different than yours.

If I let go, I won’t get up to eat.

If I stop trying, I’ll lay in bed all day forgetting I have a stomach to feed.

But if I keep trying, fighting to live, I suffer.

I don’t even fight to live anymore.

That part of me doesn’t exist/ doesn’t care.

I stopped trying.

I float in this world like a …?

Why should I get a job? Couldn’t I just lay here until I parish in my room? I’m not even worried… I can’t even feel it.

How many times I get a job only to be released a year or less later?

I can’t even do my job right. I lose motivation so quickly because everything’s so corrupted; who in their right minds would stay and kiss up?

What’s the point?

I’m not getting anywhere.

Might as well work a part-time job somewhere in some store.

Do I even want to?

Who cares if I was in sales?

How can an unmotivated person be in sales? I can’t anymore.

All those years of sales experience goes down the drain.

What’s my meaning of life? So far trying to survive. How can that be a purpose for me? Who cares..?

Too many questions, never an answer…

You’re not here.

Stop making me go through this shit. It’s making me want to kill myself.

Ugly

There’s like a fist somewhere floating in the ethereal realm that crosses to the real world , each one clenching someone’s gut and threatening anyone that tries to speak of the ugly truth.

People are so afraid of speaking up and auto-police themselves.

“Run away”

 but it always chases you.

They’re so afraid of being different so they become like everyone else..

Following fake rules of social etiquettes where “You can’t say that” is their first amendment.

We are everywhere.

We are your reality.

In the end, it’s judgement. 

And once that’s gone, there’s only truth. 

Hideousness and beauty doesn’t even exist.

Rules

I thought about it and the ONE thing that I despise about this world is RULES.

Made-up rules that make up the system.

And this whole system is completely filled with nonsensical rules.

Rules that are like restrictions that chain me down and prevent me from my FREEDOM.

Some asshole randomly comes up with these rules to satisfy their CRAVINGS for CONTROL..

That’s how I feel about SCHOOLS aka herd-mentality training.

Someone decides to create a school system where YOU need to fall into their made-up aptitude categorization and submit your own worth to them; letting them determine how much you’re worth based on how much you’re filled with their knowledge.

“Oh that’s the company policy. That’s why you can’t.”

Just FOLLOW AND FIT INTO THEIR SYSTEM, DON’T ASK QUESTIONS, OTHERWISE YOU’RE A FAILURE.

You can’t design your own life anymore, you have to live the life someone else designed for you. And this one’s filled with 

WORK

WORK

WORK

POVERTY

WORK

DIE

I’m not being difficult, I simply have eyes that see…

Extreme Friendship

Not sure how to explain this, but I feel like I can’t fully express myself due to the extremely large variety of friends I have.

I have friends that lean towards spiritual, religious and I have friends that are totally atheist , or friends that are vulgar, or friends that are gay, or friends that have specific political views. I have friends that smoke, smoke weed, sniff crack, drink and do shrooms. I have friends that own their own business, are cashiers, are still living in their car and friends that already bought a house with kids and well off.

And if I post something on Facebook, for example, it WILL fall into some category which will irk a certain group of friends.

I like vulgar comedy like Ugly Americans and at the same time I listen to Sanskrit chants.

I like to eat organic, vegan, raw, juice and super healthy foods and at the same time I’d go out and buy chili cheese fries and a burger without a 2nd thought.

I’d play computer/cell phone games and sometimes I invest in cheats, and at the same time I don’t mind playing a game without assisted guidance, and at the same time I like to work out my upper, core and lower bodies.

I’d listen to System of a Down and Underoath, and at the same time I listen to country, or dance/trance.. pop, punk, etc..

I have friends that are virgins and goody daddy’s girls with uber good grades, and at the same time I have friends that never finished college, hate school, and party all the time.

My own appearance would put in the “Academically Advanced with scholarships “, but I don’t always feel like how I appear.

Maybe I’m too worried about what other’s think or maybe some people need to open their minds and learn how to coexist…

Dropped Baggage

Rising to the clouds make me forget the purpose of my feet.

Too high and too neglecting of my parts… The origin where humbleness goes extinct.

The good life was never up there , so everyone thought.

Bend down closer to the bottom of death where everything dropped

All the lost talent covered in dust.

We were best friends thrown away from your fear of being hindered.. 

Irony of your judgement to protect..

Your protection that became the wall that sabotaged your own success.

Clean me up.. I’m still part of you.

Dreaming 24:7

“Life is but a dream

Dreaming of a stream…”

(Then suddenly)… Ego brain!!!

Listening to System of A Down lately.

I mean, really listening.

It striked the chord of remembrance in me to accept all creations in non-judgement..

A person with a dominant Creator energies immerses in the process of creation instead of being stressed/strained during the creation…

Just like a person with dominant Healer energies immerses in the process of VIBRATIONAL HARMONIZATION instead of being stressed during the healing…

And it goes like this:

A person with a dominant __compassionate__ energies immerses in the process of __compassion_ instead of being stressed/strained during the compassion…

A person with a dominant __Truth__ energies immerses in the process of __speaking the truth_ instead of being stressed/strained during the truth-speaking…

A person with a dominant __”Power”__ energies immerses in the process of __Empowerment_ instead of being stressed/strained during making things happen…

Why Wounded

What’s a soul…?

A brilliant evolved version of yourself with upgraded higher sensory perception and VIP connection with your purpose and heart, am I right?

But so many of us has fallen into this shithole we unconsciously created.

People expect restrictions and sacrifice to achievement because they can’t see or FEEL pure enjoyment of life anymore.

And suffering.

So much fucking suffering…

We don’t know why we’re here anymore.

Distracted with Filler activities that take our time until it’s too late to heal.

We all have a forgotten longing in us.

Do you hear it calling?

Do you hear its Voice?

Primitive World

This man, impressioned as a conscious being 
Well-composed with a butterfly tongue (only for gain of fun).

But just as a red brick unable to de-densify itself trapped into primitive motives..

He’s only here for primitive purposes.

He knows only to react by tone of voice instead of logical processes.

What a waste of energy for primal multiplication

To seek out body as a priority and pass down these genetic tendencies , no need to look up when you only want face down.

Subservience and domination is his game… 

Why are the higher intelligence placed with these non-sensical bullshit system in this world?!

How much more evidence do you need from me for proof that this is getting old?

Until what point will beneficial change finally anchor in favor of the people deserving this freedom??