I left my job in what I consider, in a graceful manner,
as I made the choice with conscious intent, and not from emotional reasons, I had felt in the days after somehow “bad” about it.
It was this lingering sadness of leaving a system that didn’t feel right.
I noticed specific patterns playing out that led to this event.
Even though deep down I knew I had quit the job long before I actually told my manager.
I started to clean the desk weeks prior.
I guess you could say I was looking for a confirmation to make my move, or wait till I was absolutely sure. However it didn’t occur that way.
I was sure before I knew it.
These feelings of sadness; of a loss, of a missed opportunity to have done things better.
These feelings of fear of loss of direction.
I’m glad they came up.
For me to release them. I no longer desire to carry any of this.
I no longer desired to work in an environment that opposes teamwork, that opposes cooperation, that opposes speaking up, and opposes abundance.
I know now this choice is not something to be guilty or sad over. That was the transitional emotion; one that came up to release forever.
Even though my manager followed me to the break room, sat down and cried “you know how much I did for you!? I wrote you 2 personal letters.. And I never done that to anyone. No one.. Only you.”
I cried too. I cried not at her sacrifice, but at the manifestation of this pattern that has been imprisoning her to experience betrayals; and this time through my presence.
I cried upon seeing her perceived loss of me leaving. I felt this sadness, yet love for her that my soul whispers how much I love her and appreciate her, yet her being blinded upon imprints activating.
However, I let this go. This is not a sad choice I made.
Far away from what it appears.
I’m free. I’m finally free.
