Forgiving The Grudges… of Myself

As I invested many years of my energy to the point of obsessively doing healing sessions, certifications on healing, healing programs, meditations, books, etc. in order to relinquish the past baggage, I had forgotten the key that truly unlocks the door to the path forward, and most importantly: Locks the door to the past.

Whenever I would look back on what I did wrong, or how I could have done it better, my intention was to seek the error that could be corrected and in all honesty learn from my mistakes.

Yet this habit became a sort of automation that took on more of a trigger-reaction role, than a conscious choice.

As I kept up the routine of hunting down every possible mistake and criticizing myself for not being perfect, I began to see all the faults of myself and others that I longed to rid myself of. The fault was all I saw.

I wanted so strongly to move on from my past, yet nothing worked.

But it was this input of not wanting my past that energized the continual re-occurance of what I didn’t want.

I had kept the doors to my past open by holding onto the judgement of myself.

It was not some outside force that jailed me to suffering. It was the jail of my own unconscious self. It had died and surrounded me, creating a heavy net of my own doing.

I finally saw it. It took certain situations for me to resurrect again and realize.. I require to forgive all the past CHOICES (as I CHOOSE to use an alternate word to MISTAKES :).

They were wonderful learning experiences. I have learned I am responsible for every moment and every choice. There is no need to be a victim of circumstances that I have created… that would dumbfounding (literally).

And so… here and Now, I let this judgement dissolve!~
Let no one deem you as a victim, even yourself, of your own creations.

(c) Jennifer Lee, The Voice of The Wounded Soul

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